If you’re familiar with Cardi’s music but not with her rants, we are envious of you because today your world is going to be thrown wide open. We have known our habibi to go off severe tangents and come at us in the bizarrest ways. This season a microbe has taken the brunt of being on the receiving end of B’s wrath.
We’re counting up to the best collaborations Cardi has worked up with Coronavirus. Sit tight, the school is in session and Cardi is the headmistress you’ve never had.
4. “WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TESTIES TO TEST EVERYBODY”
“Coronavirus is very much real, first things first,” was the jump off point. From there Miss. B made her way to insisting that Coronavirus tests and treatments be free nationwide in America. Along the way there were drive bys through class disparity and the privilege of social distancing but in different words that are, well, better heard from herself. Even though we found a gem like “WE DO NOT HAVE ENOUGH TESTIES TO TEST EVERYBODY” in this video, it is coming in at #4 for having to sit through Cardi B fumbling, stuttering, and just down right avoiding having to use the word “poor”. Listen mama, poor ain’t a bad word, just spit it out!
3. Cardi Wants To Know When Are We Getting Done With This Sh*t
Shot in her bathroom, this #3 video is basically Cardi letting you all know that she might be moving to “The Islands” and wants to know how much she should be stocking up on supplies. Like, “is this a 2 weeks thing or a 2 months thing?” Cardi wants to know. Us too B, us too.
2. Suspicions, suspicions.
Coming in #2 is a clip from a IG Live video Cardi did from her home that has her absolutely baffled that some people are not showing symptoms and Cardi is calling them out for being snakes. If you’ve got the virus, show the virus is essentially her plea. Makes you wanna shake her just a little bit (Airplane! style) till she calms down. But don’t, please, don’t– in these trying times, she is all the entertainment we got!
— DeMarko (@freakymarko) March 21, 2020
1. Drag Fashion Nova – Check; Create the Next Biggest Meme – Check
“This shit was in Wuhan, China and all of a sudden it’s on a mo***rf***ing tour.” There. I don’t know if it gets any funnier. Oh wait, it does: “just because you think you’re immune to it, guess what your packet ain’t b***h. A lot of shit is from m****rf***ing China. And if you’re thinking your weave, or your Fashion Nova package has arrived, guess what b***h, IT’S CORONAVIRUS, IT’S CORONAVIRUS.” And, bam the beat drops — remember this — because it’s going to play at every DJ concert you will go to after the lockdown.